I gave up seeking enlightenment when I realized that Buddhahood would just make me look fat.

We are told to kill the Buddha if we meet him on the road. Judging from his depictions in art down through the ages, we are more apt to meet him at The Waffle House. I bet the Buddha liked buttah.

But kill him at The Waffle House?--c'mon. I couldn't kill anybody at the Waffle House, especially Buddha.

If Buddha and I occupied a booth at the Waffle House, we would probably say nothing to each other except "Pass the Syrup." And that surreptitiously. Nothing of an enlightening nature would be transmitted. His secret is safe with me.

I might secretly long for him to give me the transmission, and maybe even an extra set of windshield wipers, but I would never press him.

Frankly, the Buddha is trying to get away from people. After all, people don't want enlightenment....they want a Buddha pat. They want the Buddha to tell them that they don't have to change. Don't you think he's getting a little tired of that? He knows that there is no one there to change. By the way, I hope they don't have one of those no shirt, no shoes, no service signs because the Buddha is barefoot. I find myself trying to divert the waittress' attention from this fact, but she is looking at the Buddha boobs--pretty impressive for a man.

"Honey," she says to Buddha Man, "can I get you some more coffee?"

Buddha just looks at her and winks. Wait a minute....could this be Santa just out of the sauna?

Whoever--

If you meet Buddha and me at the Waffle House, don't kill us. We'll just get a bigger booth--and you can join us.