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Self-help
is popular these days, and as news reports seem to get gloomier this trend
is likely to go on for a while. But who’s doing all of this
self-help, and just what are they helping themselves with? In the
stereotypical sense, self-help conjures up images of uncovering the past,
getting in touch with our feelings and telling ourselves that we are
worthy human beings. Women eat this stuff up, but most men treat
self-help the way they treat cooking. On a day-to-day basis, they
avoid it like the plague, but when they do it, it has to be on a grand
scale like Tony Robbins or Emeril Lagasse. There are some men who
cash in on the PC/HR/PR value of reading "Who Moved My Cheese," but no
matter how you slice it, for most men self-help isn’t cool and it
isn’t manly, like boxing or car racing. One guy jokingly told us, "Men
don’t self-help, they self-destruct." But are self-help and
self-destruction really all that far apart?
The
problem with the stereotypical definition is that it assumes that the "self"
we are trying to help is defined by our individual personalities and
gender. In the bigger picture, we, like everything in the universe,
are amazing sparks of energy---nature---and it’s this universal Self we
really want to help even if we don’t always realize it. While our
gender or personality traits certainly affect how we go about it,
recognizing ourselves as part of something bigger usually puts our
individuality into perspective. After all, the entire human race is
a mere blip in the history of the earth. And the trials of our daily
lives fade from our consciousness when we shoot a class 5 rapid, stand in
the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, or meet a new born baby for the first
time. Our individual separateness begins to self-destruct as we feel
a greater connection to all of life---it happens to everyone.
Self-help meets self-destruction.
If
we consider the possibility that within each of us is a curiosity about
who we are beyond our gender, ego, mind or body, then the notion of
self-help becomes much broader than just analysis and affirmations.
Sky diving, meditation and even drinking oneself into a stupor are all
equally valid ways of experiencing life---it’s just that some are more
beneficial to our day-to-day functioning than others. And as our
definition of self-help broadens, we start to find evidence of our
connection to the universe even in the more ordinary moments of our lives,
simply because we are open to seeing them. This can actually
alleviate the need for some of the drama that we previously needed to feel
alive. Finally, for those of us (men and women) who would rather
self-destruct than get involved in that self-help "chick" crap, we begin
to realize that we’re doing it anyway in our own kick-ass kind of way.
And that is the ultimate self-destruction.
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